I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
