I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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