She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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