i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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