Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Randomize
