Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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