Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
The ass gains better be worth it
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
