we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
