I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
