I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
