Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Houston, we have a squirter
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
