Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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