My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
