So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
