while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
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