shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
