I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
