Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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