Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
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