She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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