Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
