So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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