He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
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