yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
