When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
