how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
God I need to hump something, right now.
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