the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I stole a fireplace last night.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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