Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
