guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
