piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I need to sanitize my soul.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
