Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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