if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
