My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
