miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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