If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
