Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
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