omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Man, jail baloney is awful.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I think people are normalizing furries
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
