Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
