The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
