We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
