do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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