You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
