my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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