There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
