It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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