i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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