No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
organizing the empties. That sober.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
