I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
