"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
