what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
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