I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
